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fang_graze

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[04 Mar 2006|04:07am]
Sorry I haven't updated lately, but there's been a local tragedy...

My mate Jimmy, as you read about a while back, went out for another adventure in The City.. He wanted me to go but I said nah - out here in the Wilderness is my place. Ain't no room in The City for a country spider like me. Gives me allergies anyway.

So Jimmy heads out with his buddy Snake (he's not a real snake, thats just the name they gave him in prison) to catch a train so they can hook up with some females. Now I thought he was on the prowl for an Austracantha minax or maybe a spined Micrathena, cause he's got the hots for them, even though I kept telling him they're some of the ugliest motherhumpers I've ever laid my eight eyes on. Well I was wrong, it turns out they were going for some human flesh!

They get on the train and scope out one chick. Snake causes a distraction and Jimmy dangles himself down towards the human. Human freaks out and Jimmy seizes his chance - goes straight for the bra! Bold move, Jimster, you friggin' idiot. Human doesn't react well to his advances and takes immediate action.. SQUISH! Jimmy, may you rest in piece!

Snake came back and told everyone the news. At least Jimmy went out on his own terms, fiddling around on the inside of a bra.

*cries*
(1 nasty dunk | don't fake the funk)

[14 Feb 2006|10:05pm]
Yesss! LiveJournal finally added my school to their schools list!
(don't fake the funk)

[01 Feb 2006|09:56am]
Sup doods.

This week's been pretty productive I must say, what with all the grazing me and Rhoda did, and catching a fresh new load of moths. Yesterday me and my mate Jimmy went on a field trip into suburbia which was quite exciting. Nothing like being in civilisation to make you miss the comforts of home. I don't see what the hype is about, really. Getting swatted with a flat piece of plastic, sprayed with some kind of chemical or stepped on by a boot, that's no fun, but it doesn't bug me (no pun intended - afterall, we arachnids are NOT bugs.) at all. Give me the wild fight for survival anyday, between bigger hungry animals, the unpredictability of weather, wetness, heat, famine, being trod on by a cow.. ahh, now that's a real imago's life, eh! Not like these pansy city spiders, thinking their silk don't stink cause they have some flash pad on the Coat Hanger. Whatevs!

Anyway, Jimmy and I, we had a real good time. Hitched a ride on the back of a creek rat and took it all the way to Ditch By the Side of the Road. Damn, what a boring ride. Once we hit The Road we hooked up with a pal of Jimmy's, this tough as nails Atrax robustus called Bingo. He's a funnel-web, a good bloke if I may say so, and he got us all kinds of bugs and water to have for lunch at his place. He spun us a bundle of leftovers so we could snack a bit on our travels that day.

After a quick bit of grub we found ourselves wandering around The Neighbourhood.. definitely a weird place. No trees, no rotten logs, hardly any grass or bushes to speak of.. what a barren wasteland! All it had were some squarish looking dwellings for humans (pfft to them.. someone ought to do something about 'em, taking over the good land!) that I didn't really want to see. Jimmy had never been out this far though, so we trekked over to a House. The House wasn't too exciting but Jimster had a ball watching the humans in one set of eyes, and trying to find some local babes with the other. Never fails.

I heard Webb Threadberg was gonna be performing at The Mail Box in a few hours so we czeched that out. What a show! My cephalothorax was hurting from all of the laughing we did seeing his act. I've never seen eight legs move that fast!

Things didn't look so great when Jimmy starting chatting up these Eriophora transmarinas and they tried to eat us. But we high-tailed it outta there so quick Tobey Maguire would be proud. Just got back from our adventures and I'm glad to be back home.
(2 nasty dunks | don't fake the funk)

[08 Aug 2005|04:44pm]
So there I was, just minding my own beeswax, when along came a human and moved my rock!

Can you believe it - the nerve!

Anyway I went to graze her with my fangs (or, chelicerae) but she got another human to come over and they trapped me inside of this invisible, yet strangely cylindrical, prison. *cries*



My cousin Joe. He was trod on by some giant human, poor guy.
(2 nasty dunks | don't fake the funk)

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